I recently worked with a wonderful young lady and you know that feeling when something ‘just clicks’, it ‘works’, ‘it falls into place’… the ‘penny drops’.
I observe a lot of people in my life, it’s one of my little hobbies that keeps me busy. I am particularly interested in ‘successful people’ and also in ‘people that struggle’.
A short definition of success:
A person that enjoys what she/he does, is good at it (you just sense it, they don’t even have to tell you), they don’t complain about it although they do put a lot of time and energy into it. People that are alert, ready, on time, eager to absorb new information (a disposition of being interested and being interesting), people that make time for many things and they apply themselves well. They seem to be well organised, in terms of structure, energy, emotional expression and they all have a good connection with ‘something’, they relate to one or many aspects with clarity and conviction. When they say, they do. They are able to define their boundaries, they are self-motivated and driven, however love great guidance because they have an expanding/broadening disposition, they are not narrow-minded and they don’t think they know it all.
When I study these people, they have good schedules in place. They consistently ‘play’. The interesting thing is they play ‘above standard’ and at times even moderate. I get the sense that they have that confidence to moderate themselves, they have a deeper understanding of what it takes to be in the game over a long distance. They challenge themselves, yet, they don’t over extend themselves. They pace themselves beautifully and when that opportunity comes, the right one, they are ready to ‘take it’ to extend themselves for it. It reminds me of so much. Of athletes who pace themselves throughout the race and know exactly when to give that last burst, that acceleration, infinite times. It reminds me of a lion/leopard making a catch, they can keep an eye on the herd for hours and they wait for the right time; they only have one shot.
We all know ‘one hit wonders’, we have been there ourselves, in so many ways. I bet you can think of a person right now.
I have finally come to the conclusion that it takes confidence to be consistent. To take your time in your preparation, to get all your stars aligned, to know when and at what moment you could and should extend. There is no worry if you will ever get a second chance or that you might run out of opportunities, no such thing as trying to push your luck or praying for a miracle.
Moderation and Consistency are two of my top ingredients for any person who wishes to be successful.
“the humble pawn can aim high, be confident and achieve”
I used the analogy of ‘a rope ladder to traverse’ to my patient yesterday.
So many people think that they would be able to traverse in one go, yet so many people can. When you have that rope securely in your hand and you need to reach for the next, meaning loosening one grip and propelling your body forward, with just enough speed and weight to grip and to continue to do so. Most of us will swing backwards and forwards, having to re-adjust our grip so many times, to the point of exhaustion, dropping down and then mostly blaming the slippery grip for our fall.
How do you prepare yourself to ‘traverse’ in life. How much momentum and re-adjusting does it take, or are you able to take a step back, to think what is ahead and to prepare. You might prepare a whole year, even two, to traverse once. Life is all about the preparation and very little about the traversing.
Get rid of momentum as a constant method in your training when you aim for better mobility and strength, instead; apply consistency at end-of-range. Momentums can serve ‘on the pitch’ in action, however reign it in in your training.
A short definition of struggle:
A person that always blames others or things for their misery. The person that says, however never seem to do and/or the saying and the doing don’t quite match. A person that is dissatisfied with life and constantly speaking and or pointing out the negatives in life, the person that always will start ‘tomorrow’ or ‘next week’ or that person that never finds anything or anyone that is good enough. Always having a problem with the same thing, or injuring him or herself constantly, hating their jobs, falling out with people. Cannot keep appointments, late for appointments, unprepared for appointments. Demanding, yet not giving. The world has it in for me with attitude, poor me, others are so lucky. And, by-the-way, we all know this person, because we all have a little version of this person inside ourselves that comes out every now and then… so, if this person is very familiar to you… who are you going to blame next? Or, what can you do differently?
Stay at the door that is slightly ajar: (second analogy to my client yesterday).
I gave her an instruction to execute (this happened many times in various situations, and has occurred in 3 sessions, however I was only able to hit the nail on the head yesterday). She would try, however never for too long; the moment she ‘pushed the door’, felt the weight and realised that the door was only opening slightly, she ran to the next door, tried the same, then the next and then the next… this behaviour never changed. She then got distressed, aggravated and more and more unrestful.
I let this go on for a while, as I was trying to figure out what was going on. I then stopped her, I slowed her right down. I explained my ‘door theory’ to her. I told her that when she tried to open the door and she couldn’t feel the door open immediately, she then rushed to open the next door, and in this case, she would change the angle of her grip, or her elbow, or her shoulder – anything that she could change she would. So she tried to execute the instruction however she found cheating mechanisms or tried to vary the technique. I was amazed how little time she gave herself to succeed, as if she had nearly zero tolerance for ‘struggling’; she just needed to succeed instantaneously.
The most amazing thing was, she completely got what I said, she realised this behaviour inside herself. We then identified that she was really struggling to feel the muscles (joints) that she had to use, she did not have the faith that she would be able to allocate them, and yes, it’s true, we sometimes did have to wait up to 10 seconds for a muscle to kick-in (a sign of a very under-utilised muscle) and yet, when the muscle did start to kick in, the signals became clearer and clearer, the force greater and the consistency better. Her frown changed to a smile and she had this beautiful expression on her face; a relief, a joy and then she said ‘wow, I never thought that I could do that’… I will remember and remind myself of that moment for a long time.
How often have you entered an agreement with yourself and/or another, set a goal, had an aim, yet, fundamentally you never ever believed that you could do it. You know, sometimes, the long way, the hard, slow ‘schlepp’ is the better way, especially if you want to repeat it and claim it.
Do you understand your task/ instruction/ goal?
Is it meaningful to you? Why? What would it do for you?
Do you give yourself the appropriate time to start, execute and complete?
Are you feeling connected?
How would you know if you are making progress? How will you measure yourself?
Turn struggles into successes: stand for long enough and lean firm enough on a ‘closed door’. Believe in your method, give it time and only when you really KNOW that this door is not going to open or this way is NOT THE WAY to open this door (you have to completely understand the reason) then WALK to the next door, or take a step back, take stock and try to find a better method and or solution.
When you panic, get frantic, get angry and/or frustrated, something is wrong. It has to feel right – you smile when things feel right.