Chapter 25 | Blue Skies

suzanne running on a sunny day

Blue Sky… littered with white fluff.

I was lying on my back, gazing up at the blue sky, as one does.  I felt the sun baking my legs and it really felt more like a ‘summer holiday heat’.  I was looking at the thousands and millions of particles filling the air and travelling for miles. I wondered where they would land and what would happen with them; drifting along in space…

And then, back to reality, the realisation that I had left the door wide open and that my whole lounge was filled with white fluff… The sound of the hoover brought me back to my reality.

This ‘time’ we find ourselves in – the fact that we are all here together; I had time, you had time, we all had time and still have time, and if we were fortunate enough it brought us many ‘gifts’ – I would definitely love having little bouts of this time again, either self-created or induced on my life. The value of spending quiet time by yourself or with a significant other is so precious and needed, however the inherent need for me to make contact with people is getting greater. At times a need is like a wave, it builds and then it withdraws, like a tide in the ocean. It comes and then it goes. The impulse, the desire, the longing passes.  However, it seems where I am right now, that my ‘desire’ wave wants contact with people and is building like a crescendo… it is slowly gathering pace, force and volume.

I find myself reflecting back to times in the Studio; classes and individual sessions, and it is amazing really how I can still recall all the clients, their facial expressions, tone of voice, gestures, their little sayings like ‘pottering along’ and who wants a mint tea, or a ginger tea, who complains about the lack of cold water (😊)… who wants loud music and who wants quiet. It is all so clear. I remember the jokes and banter among the team, taking the mickey out of one another, slapping one another because someone forgot to tidy a room….. there are so many fond memories.

I treated a patient last week for a severe back pain. He was in absolute agony, it has been a long time since I have seen a patient in so much pain. He was desperate and we managed to schedule 3 sessions. On the third session, we were able to finally get him onto the bed and onto his tummy, where I was able to work hands-on. It was my first treatment in silence for 9 weeks. There are no words to describe that feeling, the connection; to feel him relax under my hands and giving in, giving way. To feel the huge relief and release in his body when he was finally able to relax.

We were both hesitant for the ‘get up’ moment and I think we both held our breath. He was able to sit up and it was actually OK, very OK. We then had an eye exchange, the first time in 9 weeks where I made eye contact with someone, without any fear in the room, only relief, and then the smile appeared, the lines around the face, the drop of the shoulders, the change in breathing pattern, the lowering of tone in the voice. The twinkle in the eye….hope.

It is those moments – the validation of the help that I want and aspire to give to people, that moment where everything makes complete sense in the therapeutic relationship – that I miss the most. And then the other moments I miss… Italy, France and having fun with my friends. I miss you patients, clients, I miss our contact. I miss you friends. I miss our fun.

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